I am officially not pretending any more. Thank you, everyone who was kind enough to ask about my situation. In other news, here's another letter:
Dear motherfucker thoughtful individual who slashed my tire last night,
I don't know if you were the same person who slashed my tire last time, but nonetheless, I really want to thank you. See, the tire you popped was old and bald, and I really needed to have it replaced. I totally had an extra $170 in my back pocket to purchase 2 new tires (may as well get them both done), but I could have continued putting that off for quite a while. So, instead of going directly to work this morning at 6.30 like I normally would have, I got to enjoy my dark livingroom a little longer than normal, waiting for the tire store to open so I could go give them that money. It was burning a hole in my pocket! I just had to get rid of it!
So again, thanks for the gesture, and be sure to get me again early next year!
love,
Devlyn
PS. The owners of the other 3 cars you defiled may want to have a word with you. They said something about being angry... *confused shrug*
